A difficult and perplexing song full of references to an obscure book written 2000 years ago by a group of notorious hashish addicts, Lady Gaga’s Judas is seen by the paranoid amongst us as part of an Illuminati plot to take over the world, probably in order to make everyone wear multicolored clown wigs whenever outside the house.

Needless to say, this interpretation is not only deeply flawed but downright absurd. The song is instead a profound (yet paradoxically insubstantial) post-post-postmodern statement on Gaga’s ongoing struggle with the intrinsic duality of the human soul, as expressed in the following lyrics…

“Jesus is my virtue,
Judas is the demon I cling to”

Which can be only be taken to mean that if her career didn’t require her to stay slim, little Stefani is the kind of gal that would eat every last donut in the box.

The usually over-sexed singer also seems to hint at a previously well hidden sexual ambivalence during a scene in which she  appears to be about to give Jesus a blowjob, but backs out at the last minute. This surprising reluctance to polish the sacred pole explains why at the end of the video J.C’s followers stone her to death, leaving our heroine lying in what appears to be some remnants from that dressmaking place where I used to work as a fridge guard.

Why Jesus and his apostles are portrayed as some sort of motorcycle gang is anyone’s guess, but then she couldn’t very well have them riding around on camels – that would be stupid.

Presented now for your amusement is Jessie J’s new video – you remember Jessie J, she did that song about doing it like a dude. But this is a family friendly site so we won’t be going into that…

In this new opus, Ms J seems to be having some sort of crisis of conscience over her past bad behavior, possibly involving sexual guilt over the theme of her earlier song, or maybe it’s that fur coat she’s wearing at the beginning.

As the video starts Jesse seems to be hosting a family gathering which bears a more than passing resemblance to a cast party for an Ed Wood movie. She then runs out on the festivities in order to take a dip in what appears to be motor oil, only to be harangued by dozens of bodiless mouths!

Even though we never really find out what has the poor girl feeling so contrite, our repentant heroine’s lyrics do make mention of not treating her loved ones the way they deserve to be treated, but as Jessie’s folks seem to be escapees from Arkham Asylum one must assume that Jess isn’t totally to blame for the familial discord.