We all know the dangers of texting while you drive, but what of the perils of texting while wandering aimlessly through your local mall? Every day hundreds of unfortunate Americans suffer public mishaps due to their texting addiction but go on to make a full recovery. You can too.
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[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeVn6_iwtJQ[/youtube]
German police have taken an owl into custody after a woman walking her dog found the bird drunkenly singing by the side of the road. According to Der Spiegel the animal was in the company of two bottles of schnapps and a cheap hooker from Las Vegas, but we are not told if the woman walking the dog and the Vegas hooker are the same person.
Apart from throwing up every five minutes the creature seems unharmed and police speculate that it found the discarded bottles and drank what was left. That explains the drunkenness, but once again we are left in the dark as to the hooker’s involvement in all this.
Once sober the feathered miscreant will be released without charge, though it will be expected to pay the dry cleaning bill for what it did to a detective’s jacket.
First Lady Michelle Obama has disclosed that the First Family’s pet dog Bo is suffering from an as yet undiagnosed psychiatric problem.
Mrs Obama told our correspondent, “He’s crazy! He chases cats that aren’t there and the other day he was raving about how the CIA are using spy satellites to track his movements! The children are afraid that he will soon start wearing a tin foil hat!
Since the problem became apparent a few weeks ago the children have also been leaving most of the doggie duties to mum, afraid to spend too much time alone with their increasingly disturbed pooch. “He’s definitely not getting any better,” says the First Lady. “The meds aren’t helping, and that Scientology course Tom Cruise sent him did more harm than good – now he’s set up a shrine to L. Ron Hubbard in his kennel!”
Mrs Obama also made an emotional appeal to the nation’s greatest authority on psychological woes. “Dr Phil, please, please help my dog! He’s going off the rails and if something isn’t done soon I’m afraid he’ll shave his head or release a sex tape!”
Dr Phil was unavailable for comment.