Tai Shan’s not so excellent adventure.

Mr Tai Shan of  Washington DC has a tale to tell that is the kind of thing one usually sees in Science Fiction shows!

“It was weird, dude. I was driving home from work when i suddenly saw a cluster of lights hanging in the sky. At first i thought it was just due to all the fermented bamboo juice i had drunk before getting into the car, but suddenly there was a terrible, high pitched sound and a flash of light and the next thing i knew i passed out.

When i woke up i was feeling all groggy and in a brightly lit room full of weird pink creatures. They kind of looked like pandas except they stood upright and had no fur, like bald chimps or something. And the next thing i knew the sick bastards had some kind of tube up my butt, and they were looking at the inside of my butt with some kind of camera! The last thing is saw was the Burgers i had for lunch and then i passed out from the drugs they’d given me.

Next thing i knew i was waking up in my car with nothing to remember the experience by except a sore butt and some rather disgusting photos of my colon. The worst thing was that  the following day at work none of my buds believed me, they think it was just the fermented bamboo juice. But I  have the colon pics to prove it so i showed them the pics and they  just threw up and spent the rest of the day avoiding me!”

Adam Sandler Is Not The Missing Link

Professor Harrison Henderson of the  Harvard School of Anthropology  was today shocked to learn that the missing link has apparently been found and that it is a small primate called Ida, not as the Professor has argued for over a decade, movie comedian Adam Sandler.

“For years i have been arguing that the missing link when found would be basically a fossilized Adam Sandler – the beady eyes, the beetling brow, the lack of intellect and the inability to make anyone over the age of five burst into laughter. These are all signs of a primitive creature stuck between man and ape. I’m devastated. My life’s work has been for nothing!’”

The Professor is currently under psychiatric care at the Abercrombie Institute For The Terminally Bewildered.

Mr Sandler’s photo is by Nyikita.

 

Conservative Media Uses Carp Incident to Villify Asians!

The innocent – and apparently rather dead – animal pictured to your left is a member of a species commonly known as the Asian carp, and it has become the unlikely epicenter of a racial controversy.

The entire hubbub was touched off when conservative talk show host Sean Hannity blamed the fish for an attack on an Illinois man. It would seem that a certain Tad Newell – if that really is his name- was riding along on his jet ski when the villainous Fu-Manchu fish leapt out of the water and knocked him off his machine.

Despite the fact that neither the authorities nor “Tad Newell” claim any malice aforethought on the part of the fish, it wasn’t long before right wing pundits were calling for the borders to be closed to all fishes of Asian origin. Rush Limbaugh even went as far as to call for the immediate detention of all Asian Carps till it could be ascertained that they did not pose a terrorist threat.

Now, call me paranoid if you must but i see a subtle anti-Asian subtext running through all this! And my suspicions were confirmed when Glenn Beck called for the immediate deportation of all Asians, fish or otherwise, from the United States on the grounds that individuals of Asian origin are more likely than others to leap out of the water and knock people off their jet skis! He even went so far as to claim that during a promotional visit for Rush Hour 2, Jackie Chan committed this crime over a dozen times, with the added insult of stealing the jet skis and shipping them back to his innumerable relatives in Hong Kong! This kind of knee-jerk reaction, alas, is what comes of having a country as ideologically divided as the U.S – when will this madness end?

Older posts «

» Newer posts

Fetch more items